Picked my dad's funeral over my cousin's wedding last month

My cousin in San Antonio got married on the same day as my dad's memorial service. My whole family said I should go to the wedding. They said he was gone anyway and the living need us more. I picked the funeral. Sat in a cold room with 12 people. My cousin's still mad. Said I chose death over life. But I needed that closure. Seeing his casket lowered helped me sleep again. Anyone else deal with family pressure like this?

2 comments

2 Comments

barbarab5617d ago

Chose death over life" that line really hit me, I feel like I'm still apologizing for choosing my dad's funeral over my cousin's baby shower last year. Except at my dad's service they ran out of chairs and I had to sit on the floor next to the urn, which was awkward because I kept bumping it with my elbow and everyone stared. Family pressure is brutal but sometimes you just need to see that box go in the ground to feel right again, even if it means missing a party and being the black sheep for a while.

fiona_sullivan2917d ago

Notice how we keep making people apologize for choosing the hard but necessary thing over the happy thing. My sister got sideways looks for years because she visited our dad in hospice instead of going to her daughter's school play. Like somehow being present for someone's last moments is less important than a performance that gets recorded anyway. We've built this whole culture where funerals are just inconveniences that mess up your schedule, but they're really the last time you get to say a proper goodbye with all the mess and awkwardness that comes with it.