Had a lightbulb moment about apologizing after a talk with my uncle last week

I always thought saying 'I'm sorry you feel that way' was a fine apology, but my uncle called me out on it during a heated argument about local zoning laws. He basically said I wasn't actually taking responsibility, I was just dodging blame by making it about their feelings instead. Has anyone else had their whole approach to apologizing change after someone pointed out a bad habit like that?

2 comments

2 Comments

lopez.brooke8d agoTop Commenter

OH MY GOD, yes, this EXACT thing happened to me last year. I used to throw out "I'm sorry you feel that way" all the time thinking it was the polite thing to do, but my older brother totally called me out on it after I said it during a dumb fight about who was supposed to clean the garage. He was like "you're not actually sorry, you're just trying to end the conversation without admitting you messed up." It hit me SO hard because he was right. Now I have to really stop and think before I apologize, and it's way harder because I actually have to say what I did wrong. It's honestly changed how I talk to everyone, not just my family.

hannaht298d agoOG Member

Honestly, your uncle calling you out like that is kinda brutal but also the best thing that could've happened to you. Ngl, I used to pull that same "sorry you feel that way" garbage and thought I was being the bigger person. Then my partner straight up told me it sounded like I was apologizing to a toaster for being mad about burning the toast. Like, congrats, you're sorry the toaster has emotions but also completely missing that you left it on for an hour and created a fire hazard. Now I have to actually say things like "I was wrong to dismiss your opinion about the garage schedule" and it feels way more awkward but at least nobody throws my own words back at me later. Tbh, it's a humbling wake up call when you realize you've been using apologies as a shield instead of actually owning your mess.